How can this be?

A relative was killed by a police officer last night in Minneapolis. Chris’s really, really good friend’s step-mom called 911 last night because she thought someone was in distress and now she is dead. 

Read a report here. 

And I can see why she and Chris would have been connected: Video presentation

I’m not even sure how to continue this post now. It’s about another family’s loss, and it is about my family’s loss. And as my first nations friends have been teaching me, we are all related. 

As you know if you’ve followed my story these last few eternal months, I have been mourning since my son Chris’s disappearance into the Mississippi River in April the 10 days he was lost and then when his body was found May 4th, the official date of his death. 

Zach, the young man who is in this article, was one of Chris’s best friends. They met in junior high and were buddies ever since. They played lacrosse together, got into shenanigans together, and were there for each other. Zach came home from college when he heard Chris was missing. 

From Chris’s house

Zach’s dad was the one who initially introduced Chris to meditation and meditation changed Chris’s life. From what I understood, Chris had even attended Justine’s meditation class. 

All three were with us in the terrible days of Chris’s disappearance. I hadn’t met Justine until a prayer vigil for him at the river when he was missing, but then she reached out to me and let me know she was there with me. She and Zach’s dad and I were going to get together soon so they could share some of their experiences with Chris with me. 

She was a person who carried peace with her and shared it generously. I could feel that. I met some women at a vigil held for Justine tonight who knew about Chris because Justine had led a meditation session in his honor soon after Chris’s death. They told me it was beautiful. 

And so Zach has lost now two of his best friends in a matter of a couple of months. My heart aches for him and for his family. My heart selfishly aches for me, too, because I hadn’t yet gotten to know her and to feel the connection that I know she had to Chris. 

Before Chris died, I was very involved in social justice issues. I haven’t been able to be very active or vocal since my heart was shattered. But now I must speak and I must stand. I don’t yet know what that will look like. I will follow the family’s lead. But I will be there for them as much as I can just as they have been here for me. 

What will it take for our nation to stop shooting? What is the deep-seated fear or anger or pain that causes police officers to shoot their guns at people? 

As so many have said to me, I don’t know what to say. There are no words to express my sorrow for this beloved family. I can only be with them as my tears mix with theirs and as the Creator weeps with us at the loss of another beautiful soul. I’m hoping that Chris is meditating with Justine in heaven and that they are both watching over their family that is suffering. 

I’m sharing this poem that Chris wrote because I want to hope we can fuel this world with love in memory of our dear lost ones. 

And because I don’t know how to pray tonight…

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. Romans 8:26

And finally, this poem I turn to often these days, because these coming seconds, moments, days, weeks, months, will seem unbearable art times. 

Peace, though it is hard to find tonight.